Hello My Name is Kelly and I'm Addicted to Chocolate

9 days ago I took on something that I was almost certain I would have quit by now.

I woke up one day and realized that the stress of life, marriage and kids had began to take a toll not only on my sanity but on my health and physical appearance. I knew I was overreacting to small things, but together they all seemed like SO MUCH. Some days I may have hid in my closet and cried read a book. Month after month, I felt like I was losing control and was on the cosmic schedule for a mental breakdown. It was then in that desperation that a truth was presented to me and it flashed like a neon sign at a quick mart: I EAT FOR COMFORT

What?!??? Who me, uh-uh. I mean I love chocolate (who doesn't) and I never met a cupcake I didn't like (that's normal right) but a quiet voice started to edge into my head and it told me a truth I really didn't want to hear: " when things around you get tough, you eat to find comfort" Ugh. It's TRUE!

Over the past year or so I have found junk food to be my escape from reality, even if just for the moment when I was consuming it - all my chocolate-y pleasures met with an ice cream cone or candy bar. Cups after cups of coffee with rich, flavorful creamers warmed my soul. McDonald's was an easy meal (no cooking right? - I had developed a hatred for planning and cooking meals).

Then one day I spoke with someone who suggested I consider a Fast. Here's the weird part: I was pretty certain that God had been talking to me about that very solution for over a month at that point and I kept saying No. Well, I am a *sign* person and so I gave it more thought. It took another 3 days to decide on it, but I began the Daniel Fast. The choice of this fast was less about which fast it was, but more about the meaning behind it. I didn't have an eating problem, I had an obedience problem. I relied on food for comfort, not God and that had to change. By removing all those pleasurable foods, I've been forced to talk to God A LOT more. (it usually sounds like : I REALLY want those cookies.. (a long sigh) but I can give them up for You)

I want to say 9 days in He's taken away all my cravings. It's just not true. Everyday I wish I could snag a bite of the kids snack, toss back a handful of Goldfish or nibble an Oreo. Mostly I miss my warm delicious coffee with it's rich flavorful hazelnut creamer. But, it's getting easier and He is revealing to me that food can run my life and that is NOT how life is meant to be.

I am finding pleasure in cooking again. It's allowing me to tap into the reserves of my creative side - something I didn't know I was missing until I found it. I am finding healthy, vegan style recipes (with no sugars) to try. Some have been amazing (like the Mexican Quinoa and the Black Bean Chipotle "burgers" and some have not (imagine a cookie sheet with a hard layer of cornmeal that was meant to be tortilla chips)

And, at the end of it all I hope to have solid footing in a new truth that is coming to transpire: It's all a choice and MOST of the time, that choice is not the easy one. It's not the average one. It's the one that leads us closer to the One and though it's hard, the rewards are great. (the weight-loss isn't to bad of a perk either!)