Hello My Name is Kelly and I'm Addicted to Chocolate

9 days ago I took on something that I was almost certain I would have quit by now.

I woke up one day and realized that the stress of life, marriage and kids had began to take a toll not only on my sanity but on my health and physical appearance. I knew I was overreacting to small things, but together they all seemed like SO MUCH. Some days I may have hid in my closet and cried read a book. Month after month, I felt like I was losing control and was on the cosmic schedule for a mental breakdown. It was then in that desperation that a truth was presented to me and it flashed like a neon sign at a quick mart: I EAT FOR COMFORT

What?!??? Who me, uh-uh. I mean I love chocolate (who doesn't) and I never met a cupcake I didn't like (that's normal right) but a quiet voice started to edge into my head and it told me a truth I really didn't want to hear: " when things around you get tough, you eat to find comfort" Ugh. It's TRUE!

Over the past year or so I have found junk food to be my escape from reality, even if just for the moment when I was consuming it - all my chocolate-y pleasures met with an ice cream cone or candy bar. Cups after cups of coffee with rich, flavorful creamers warmed my soul. McDonald's was an easy meal (no cooking right? - I had developed a hatred for planning and cooking meals).

Then one day I spoke with someone who suggested I consider a Fast. Here's the weird part: I was pretty certain that God had been talking to me about that very solution for over a month at that point and I kept saying No. Well, I am a *sign* person and so I gave it more thought. It took another 3 days to decide on it, but I began the Daniel Fast. The choice of this fast was less about which fast it was, but more about the meaning behind it. I didn't have an eating problem, I had an obedience problem. I relied on food for comfort, not God and that had to change. By removing all those pleasurable foods, I've been forced to talk to God A LOT more. (it usually sounds like : I REALLY want those cookies.. (a long sigh) but I can give them up for You)

I want to say 9 days in He's taken away all my cravings. It's just not true. Everyday I wish I could snag a bite of the kids snack, toss back a handful of Goldfish or nibble an Oreo. Mostly I miss my warm delicious coffee with it's rich flavorful hazelnut creamer. But, it's getting easier and He is revealing to me that food can run my life and that is NOT how life is meant to be.

I am finding pleasure in cooking again. It's allowing me to tap into the reserves of my creative side - something I didn't know I was missing until I found it. I am finding healthy, vegan style recipes (with no sugars) to try. Some have been amazing (like the Mexican Quinoa and the Black Bean Chipotle "burgers" and some have not (imagine a cookie sheet with a hard layer of cornmeal that was meant to be tortilla chips)

And, at the end of it all I hope to have solid footing in a new truth that is coming to transpire: It's all a choice and MOST of the time, that choice is not the easy one. It's not the average one. It's the one that leads us closer to the One and though it's hard, the rewards are great. (the weight-loss isn't to bad of a perk either!)

KD + FB = BFF

In honor of complete transparency, I like LOVE Facebook. I really do! I enjoy seeing what other friends are up to, I enjoy connecting with people I haven't spoken to in months. Old high school friends, extended family members I haven't touched base with in years, we all have those people in our lives.

Since jumping into the network marketing career path, Facebook has become my 'job'. I reach out to my customers this way, I spend time making connections and finding new clients and it's been wonderfully successful for me in that way - but like most things in life, there's a catch.

I sat one day, early last week, in kind of a 'down in the dumps' mood. One of those days when the kids were fighting, the dog chewed up a shoe, the baby wrote on a wall and threw cereal all over the floor kinda days. I wanted SO BADLY to pick up my smartphone and rant on social media.
And, on the days when it's all sunshine and bubbles, unicorns and glitter - I reach for my phone and I share on social media.

And then it came over me! Facebook has become my BFF. As a stay-at-home mom (as many of you know) you don't get a lot of "adult" conversation time. You can only call your husband so many times during the day, or your mom. You real 'human' BFF is probably home dealing with the same chaos as you so that's not always an option and so this is what happens: I tell my stories to my "friends".

Update Status: "I think these kids are trying to send me to a psychotherapist" 
Update Status: "The girls are being so sweet to each other day - I wish it could always be that way"
Update Status: "The baby peed on the floor - SMH" 

(I withhold more crazy status reports in fear of grossing people out :) )

But here's what I realized, social media as a whole is a 2-sided coin. One one side, you have this world of ambiguous connections. The land of the "like" where you throw out a small part of the conversation you wish you were having in length and hope it gets received, discussed and validated. It leaves you feeling a little empty and desperate.

BUT, on the other side - there are amazing connections to be made. My most recent "status" I shared about a personal fasting journey I am embarking on created an out pour of support that touched my heart. The personal messages from people I talk to often and those I talk to rarely was overwhelming. And it led to the TRUTH that exist everywhere when you look for it: God will use ANYTHING for good. And ANYTHING can be used in the complete opposite way when it is without Him.

At the end of the day. life is about RELATIONSHIPS. How you build them can differ across the board, but connecting on a personal level should never be discarded. We may live in a world where the 'private message' has replaced the 'snail mail' letter - but it's still the reaching out with INTENT that means the most.

OPPORTUNITIES:

Last night my little 1st grader had her very first sleepover. Not the kind at Grandma's house, but a real bonafide sleepover with a gaggle of girls for a birthday party.  I capitalized on the opportunity to head out for a walk this morning when the house was quiet and the hubby was still asleep upstairs with my other children. 

The dog and I headed out down our dirt road to burn some energy (the dog) 
and calories (me). We strolled one way and then the other down our quiet street and as we neared home, I waved hello the the neighbor who I was quite certain had no interest in befriending me, my family or anyone else that lives anywhere near them. 

Today however, in the quiet of the morning - we chatted. We talked about kids, the pets, the summer. We were just two moms, stealing outside for a quiet moment before our busy days got the best of us. When we parted ways, I began to think: I should have asked her about the catalog I left in her mailbox (yes, I am a network marketing professional). I have learned by now, to always find a natural way to tell people about my business that I am so passionate about - but instead of continuing down that track with that train of thought - something new and unexpected popped into my head. 

" I had an opportunity to speak on my faith this morning and I let it pass by". You see, when I said goodbye - I could have said " I need to get ready for church". It's not certain, but that likely would have been followed up by a polite question of "where do you go" which could have led to a simple conversation that may have resulted in an invitation to join us. I didn't take it. I just left the opportunity laying there on the ground. 

As I mulled this over in my head throughout the morning I realized that God truly will hand us opportunities to be His hands and feet. He will open doors for conversations, but it is wholly up to us to take those opportunities and use them. I'm not sure that if I wasn't in network marketing, that this would have crossed my mind because I have a different way of approaching most conversations now. But, today I found a truth in my life - my number one "business" is to share the love of Jesus - and to share that whenever that chance is given. If I can "make" a hole in a conversation to talk about how much I love my mascara, how much harder, with God as my support, can it be to tell them how much I love Him.